Weigh This, Biznatch!

In case the title of the post didn't give it away, I'm not a big fan of the scale.

A few years ago, I went on Weight Watchers. And I kicked the shit out of it. I dropped like 60 pounds in 5-6 months. I got on the scale EVERY DAY. I could tell you to the tenth of a pound how much I weighed on any given day. I was the smallest I'd been in YEARS. I saw my dad and he was like, "Oh my God! You haven't been this little since high school."

That was all well and good, but to succeed with Weight Watchers, you have to keep doing it. And doing it. You wonder why there are 50 year old people in those meetings who have been using it for years. They're there because they HAVE to be there.

Needless to say, I put the weight back on. Not all of it, I don't think, but most of it.

The thing is, I got compulsive about my weight. Obviously the less you eat, the more you lose. So I'd just rein it all in. I wasn't using all of my points every day, or even close on some days. I tried to throw some exercise in, but then the scale wouldn't budge, and I would get SUPER frustrated.

The other thing is that I was eating crap food. Sure, I was eating less of it, and there's something to be said for that, but I wasn't eating well. Which is why when I got off Weight Watchers, I gained it back.

This time around, I'm not using the scale. I'm trying to see how my body FEELS. How my clothes fit.

And it's funny, I got on the scale this week, just to see because my trainer asked how I was progressing. I weight about 7 pounds more now than when I started. Odd thing is, I look slimmer, I feel slimmer, and my clothes fit better.

Because I'm not using the scale as my gauge, I didn't freak out. I thought about what I've been eating, realized I could be doing it better and hopped off the scale. No throwing things, no avoiding food, none of it.

I know I need to eat better, and if I were, I'd probably be seeing crazy results. But, I know myself well enough to know that if I make drastic changes, they'll never stick. I can jump into an exercise routine and keep that up no problem. But my diet, well, that's a completely different story. There is NO point pushing into something I can't keep up.

Today's Lesson: Check Your Equipment

I mentioned recently how much I used to love riding my bike, but lately it's been more of a chore than anything else. Today I may have discovered why.

As I was getting ready to ride off into the sunset, I decided to check my tires to make sure they had enough air. I rode once on tires that weren't inflated enough, and it's a lot harder to ride that way than when the tires are properly inflated. I'm not really trying to earn points for extra difficulty with this, so I keep them well-inflated. It took much longer than it should have, but I got my tires all pumped up and ready to go. I figured that would solve the problem. Wrong.

I'd been riding for a couple minutes when I felt the familiar pain creep back into my legs, right at the top of my knees. Since this has been happening, I've been thinking about a friend of mine who posted pictures of his knees being iced on Facebook. He'd been riding his bike for a while and suffering from the knee pain I've been complaining of. I'd chatted with him about it, and asked him if he needed to adjust his seat since he was probably riding with it in the wrong place.

Now, how that didn't spur me into action to check on my own seat is beyond me. When I bought my bike they fitted me to it, so I assumed that everything was a-ok.

Let's think about this for a minute. My bike sat, unused, for nearly a year. It had been moved from one place to another to another. It rode from Seattle to West Palm Beach on the back of my car. Even after all of this it still didn't dawn on me to check the seat until after I started riding today.

And, it's not like I stopped because I thought I should check the seat. I stopped because MY SEAT WAS MOVING. I was worried about sliding off and running myself over with my own bike. Turns out, the locking mechanism on the seat was loose. and the seat was turning. My guess is that the seat has also slowly been sliding down and, as a result, I've been too close to the pedals.

I raised the seat up, locked it, and got back on my bike. Amazingly enough, my legs stopped hurting as well.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm what you call a "hard learner."

(The title of this post is a lot more exciting than the topic turned out to be. Be honest, you were hoping this was going to be dirty. It's okay. This is a safe place.)

One Month In

I started this battle a month ago and I think this is a good time marker to make some comments.

1. I hate thrusters, medicine ball circles, and my quads.
2. I'm glad I'm doing this. I've stuck with it, even when I just didn't want to do my exercise for the day.
3. My bike and I aren't as good a friends as we used to be. Because I'm working my legs so much, the bike hurts more than it used to. I'm glad because this means that I 'm really working those muscles, but I'm sad that I don't ride the way I used to. I do know that cardio on its own isn't a way to really get fit, so I'm okay with this.
4. I'm not really doing well with the eating component of this. My diet sort of sucks. I feel like the results would be better if I were paying more attention to what I was eating. Some of it is that I can only make so many changes at once. Another part of it is that I just started working again and I'm trying to get a good rhythm together for making food. So far meal planning has pretty much been a complete fail. Now that I'm sort of getting the hang of working and working out, I don't have any excuses not to prepare better for the week.
5. I don't feel like I've lost any appreciable size. But, I'm sort of okay with it. Do I want to be smoking hot and thinner than I am? Hell yes. However, my back feels SO much stronger that it's hard for me to worry about much else. I'm REALLY pleased with that. My poor back needs all the help it can get. I still get some soreness, but it's not as frequent and I'm not getting laid out because of it. As I keep going through this process, it'll get stronger and stronger.
6. My arms and inner thighs make me want to scream. I have a mirror in my workout space and as I do some of the exercises, I can see the FLAB. It taunts me. "Hello, bitch. I'm here and I'm not leaving. HA!" But around the flab, there is toning happening. AND I CAN SEE IT. Just wait, flab. I'm coming for you.

Overall, I'm very pleased with what I'm doing. I know I need to make a better commitment to my diet, but I'm just not overly motivated to do it. I have no idea what's going to get me motivated either.

Email to My Trainer

My trainer Karen sent me an email asking me what I'm most proud of and some other stuff. I rambled on, but I think it's a good thing to share here.

I'm proud of myself for: The plank. I think it's my new favorite and I'm going to enjoy monitoring my progress on it. I can only do 20 seconds, but given that I can feel like it's really working me in a lot of places, I'm happy I can do that. I'm also oddly proud of the Bird Dog. I can REALLY feel that one in my back, but today's workout felt better than Tuesday's, so I am pleased with that. 

I think my core is really developing nicely. Also, because I had to try, I think push ups eventually won't kick my ass. I can't really do a full one just yet, but there's not nearly as much weakness in my arms and wrists as there was when they were actually part of the workout. 

My mom asked me today how many of my workouts I've skipped and was very shocked when I said none, so I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm proud of my commitment to this. As you know, sticking to any kind of workout is tough, and I didn't opt to go easy on myself or even ease into it. I do SOMETHING six days a week. That's one hell of a commitment.

But, it's not really that big a deal because I get a tremendous amount of satisfaction when I make progress. I can see little muscles in my arms, I can feel them in my back. I don't think we realize just how many muscles we really use, and when you have an injury like I do with my back, it's a REALLY rude awakening. My back is ALWAYS going to be an issue for me. I'm always one wrong twist away from popping something out of place. But with these core strengthening workouts and the other stuff, I'm protecting myself just a little bit more each time. Not wanting to end up in the ER is an excellent motivator. 

Since I've been rambling for a while now anyway... I also like feeling like I'm getting to be a better version of myself. I made loads of excuses for not doing it before, but at some point, you just have to be honest with yourself and take action. Is it a big deal that I'm heavy? No, not really. It doesn't change WHO I am. However, for some of the stuff I want to do with my life, it'll be easier if I'm in better shape. I spend a lot of time trying to do good things for the people in my life, but one of the best things I can do for everyone, especially myself, is to get in shape and be healthier. 

Also, I WANT TO BE SMOKING FUCKING HOT. I want everyone, male and female, gay or straight, to watch me walk away from them, and be like, "Damn, I would hit that." If I'm honest, that's what really got me started down this path. (See above about connecting with my kin in SL,UT.)

All in all, we're doing a good thing here. Even MY MOTHER said I look good.