Today's Lesson: Preparation

I am NOT a morning person. At all. I would love to sleep until 9, or even better, 10, every day. Occasionally my body says, "Oooh! 7am! Let's wake up now!!" But that's rare.

There are a few problems with this.
One: Jobs like you to be there sometime before noon. Eh. Fine.
Two: South Florida hates me. And everyone else who lives here.

South Florida is only a few degrees cooler than Hell. If you want to ride your bike and not get burned alive, you have to do it early. We also seem to have some issues with wind here. If you're riding after 8am, at least part of your ride is going to be against a very unpleasant wind.

I tell you all of this so you understand that my brain doesn't function quite right before 10am. Especially on days when I'm not having a Coke to get my system jolted alive.

When I know I want to be up at a particular time, I wake up regularly throughout the night because I'm hella paranoid I'm going to miss the alarm. Not that it would make much difference right now, but I do hate biking into the wind. So, I didn't fall asleep until almost midnight, I woke up several times, and finally got blasted awake at 6:30. Awesome.

I stumbled around, trying to get dressed in ride appropriate clothing (total fail on this one - wore the long bike shorts instead of the short ones...). I grabbed my phone (I have an app that tracks my ride), my iPod (need the beat to help me pump my legs), and my wallet (in case I get hit). My water bottle is attached to my bike. I thought about filling it, but figured I didn't have that much to drink on my last ride so there would be enough water for this one. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I'm riding, trying to shake the cobwebs from my brain. I get going and hit a light. Despite the early hour, it's damn warm out. I reach down for the water bottle and find it significantly emptier than I thought. "Eh, I should be okay."

I ride along for a little while longer when the heat and exertion finally push me to drink more. And I emptied my bottle. Not quite halfway into the ride. I pedal on and start panicking. The sun is rising and beating down on me, it's getting hotter, I'm sweating more, and I am tired. My legs feel like they don't want to work anymore. SHIT.

I thought about stopping at the middle school along the way, but in my sports bra tank top and bike shorts, I was sure they'd just boot me off campus for being a creeper and I'm not even sure they HAVE water fountains there anymore. (No idea why they'd get rid of them...)

The next thing I'm going to pass is a fire station, but for some reason, I didn't want to stop there. I'd gotten going again, and I knew I'd be at a shopping center in just a little bit. Of course, not long after I passed the station, my legs were like, "SCREW YOU FOR NOT PROPERLY HYDRATING!"

I did make it to the gas station and I bought a HUGE bottle of water. I have NO sense of measurement apparently, and I bought more than my bottle can hold. I shoved the bottle I bought down the back of my shirt. I gulped down too much water and headed back on my way too soon. For a bit I thought I was going to vomit. Fortunately, I was close to home and rode a slowly and willed myself to feel better.

I got home and almost immediately threw myself in the shower. Now all I want to do is take a nap. I'm going to have to work on this being awake in the morning thing.

What was I thinking?

What. The. Hell. Was. I. Thinking?

FRIDAY:
My first strength workout was Friday. Karen, my trainer, asked me to send her an update on the workout after I was done, here's what I sent her:

Hi Karen,

As I have just cooled-down from my workout and am not currently willing to move more muscles than it takes to type this email, I thought this was a great time for me to give you my reflections.

1. I stink. A lot. Am sweaty like pig. The smell is probably more a factor of not putting deodorant on prior to the workout, but I figured, "How sweaty and gross can I possibly get?" I now know. 

2. I have muscles in places I didn't realize they existed. I think you made them up.

3. I know something about this is working. I just got a message from [my dentist friend]. He told me that for the first time in 5.5 years of working in people's mouths, a patient almost made him throw up. He said "oh yeah her mouth smelled like a giraffe took a shit in it." I tell you this not to gross you out, but because I started laughing really hard when I read it, and my stomach muscles are attempting a mutiny. Clearly they got a workout.

More seriously...

1. Can we substitute something else for push-ups? I can definitely see the benefit of the push-up. On that second set, I could feel it EVERYWHERE. However, my right wrist doesn't seem to enjoy them. I can't even get into a full push-up. I also can't do more then two sort of half push-ups. I did feel like I was getting better as I got into the third set, got closer to a real push-up. Can we maybe pull the reps down? Alternate hand placement?

2. Other than the push-ups, the reps are totally fine. I do start to feel like, "OH CRAP I CANNOT DO ANYMORE," and then I realize I'm nearing the end of the rep count.

3. Even after just this first workout, I'm confident this is the best thing I've done with my money this year.

I'm going to go eat now.

We're taking push-ups out for a while, though I was warned that they will creep back in. 

SATURDAY:

Saturday is my rest day, but I wasn't supposed to spend it just lazing around. I decided a trip to a huge outlet shopping mall was in order. Maybe not the wisest choice. My muscles were VERY sore ALL day on Saturday and did not appreciate my choice to keep moving. They were whispering to me, "Oooh, look at that bench. You know you want to sit down and not move again until mall security escorts you out tonight." When I refused to comply, they screamed at me. It took lunch at PF Changs to drown those bastards out.

SUNDAY:

This morning I learned a little about discipline. Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays are cardio days for me. Right now, that means a bike ride. I had surgery on my back in January 2011, so running is out of the question and walking bothers my back after a little while. Biking doesn't cause any problems. 

The thing about riding a bike where I live is that I have to do it EARLY if I don't want to be killed by the Evil Florida Day Star or the wind that is ALWAYS going against me for at least 2 miles of the ride. I'd set my alarm for 6:30 (I know you can feel the 'but'), BUT since I didn't go to sleep until almost midnight, I wasn't feeling it. I turned off the alarm and rationalized riding this evening. 

I woke up a half hour later, and made myself get out of bed and ready to ride. I HOPED a 7:30am start time would save me from the wind. WRONG. Do you know what it's like to bike on sore muscles, with a slightly underinflated tire, and against the wind for the LAST two miles of the ride? It sucks. That will teach me not to get going when I know I should have.

Despite my desire to drop my bike and call for a ride, I powered on. I found motivation only the way a woman can: I thought about some totally gorgeous and seriously ripped men I know. A couple friends of mine are in absolutely amazing shape. So ripped and so hot. Like, drool-inducing hot. And I thought to myself, "Get it together, you whiny bitch! They didn't get all hot by quitting in the middle. They sucked it up and kept going! GET ON IT." I gritted my teeth and pushed on. It wasn't as long a ride as I usually do, but I think I get some bonus points for the wind and combating muscles that are trying to revolt against me.

I did core strengthening exercises after I rested for a few minutes. We're trying to help my back help itself. I have two herniated discs in my lower back. I need all the strength I can get in my back muscles to stop them from causing me serious problems. 

RANDOM NOTE:

I now eat like a bear just out of hibernation. Every day. I like to get the exercising out of the way early (see above re: wind and sun), but that means I'm like starving ALL day. I'm trying to be good and keep the carbs/starches/sugars to a minimum. I've had more fruits and veggies in the last few days than in the month before this. Blargh.

I'm eating little bits throughout the day so I don't start chomping on people's arms or faces. I'm too pretty for prison.

What the hell is Death to Jiggles?

I'm not sure when it started, but I let myself go a little bit. Okay, I let myself go a lot. I went from being about 180-190 pounds (and a little flabby) to 250 (and a lot flabby). Since that high point, I've used Weight Watchers, modified my diet, added a little exercise, and done a crazy HCG diet. I lost 60 pounds on Weight Watchers in about 6 months. I took off 20 pounds modifying my diet, and I lost about 30 pounds with HCG.

And...then I found the weight again. I looked in the mirror the other day after getting out of the shower. I shook a little, and all I could thing was, "LOOK AT THAT JIGGLE!" I wiggled my arms, and found Jiggle there too. We won't even talk about my upper thighs.

One of my goals for 2012 is to get into lose weight, get into better shape, and strengthen my back (I had surgery on it in January 2011). Rather than do the same things over and over again while expecting different results (read: insanity), I decided to spend a little money and get a professional to help me.

I hired Karen from A Fitter Image to help me kill off Jiggles. The exercise plan she's got worked out for me, combined with a better diet, will get me into the shape I've always wanted to be in. Not only will I lose weight, I'll be fitter and healthier. My body will work more efficiently and burn fat better.

The great thing about this is that I can do it from home! No expensive gym membership that I don't want to use. I don't know about you, but I HATE going to the gym, watching all these superfit people do their thing, somehow looking gorgeous and not sweaty, while I suffer like a pig on a spit.

I'll post about pretty much everything about the experience - the gear, the clothes, the workouts, how I'm feeling, the progress I'm making, what makes me want to cry, my concerns about my muscles turning to jelly. You get the picture.

What I will not post is the workouts themselves. My workout has been designed for me specifically. What's best for me probably isn't what's best for you. The best thing to do is to consult a personal trainer yourself and get something designed for you. So go check out A Fitter Image. It's one of the best things you can do for your health and fitness this year.